Skip to main content

Ex ...(P2.1) The beginning

I think ...for you to truly understand, I have to go back to the beginning. 

I love, being in love, and back in my 20s it was I could dream about. I wanted a husband and a friend. I wanted a soul mate and a lover. I wanted a family. I wanted to grow old with my husband. I dreamed that one day we would be elderly sitting on our porch in rocking chairs fussing at our grandchildren together. My husband and I. 


Summer Fling

2002 - I was sitting in the kitchen listening to music when my mother called. She was at work and needed tampons. I grabbed the tampons and my purse and headed out the door. It was a warm summer night. I walked to the corner and checked for the bus. Nothing. I'd have to walk the four blocks to her job. It was Friday and the whole neighborhood seemed to be outside. Teenagers roamed the streets in groups talking loudly. Cars cruised down the block with various genres of music fading away as they passed. A small crowd lingered outside the Chinese store. I walked quickly down 23rd Street until I reached Snyder Avenue. There was crowd of men outside the bar talking loudly. I went inside and tried to get my mom's attention from behind the bar. There was a party going on and there were people everywhere. I noticed my Aunt at the other end of the bar and squeezed my way though the crowd to get to her. to greet my Aunt and then waived to get my mom's attention. I wasn't a drinker, but my Aunt asked me to have a drink with her & bought me a small bottle of Verdi Spumante. I sat with her until I finished half the drink and then I gave her a hug and decided to head home. On the way to the door I  heard my cousin's voice,

"Hey! What you doing here? Come sit with us. What you drinking?" 

"I was just drinking a bottle of Verdi that your mom got me," I told her. 

"Verdi? Okay. Have you tried the Incredible Hulk? Cuz! You have to try this!" She turned to the guy beside her, "Get me two Incredible Hulks." Then she turned back to me, "I'm so glad you came out. "You never go anywhere. You deserve to get out sometimes you know?"

She wasn't wrong. I did deserve to get out and the Incredible Hulk was a damn good drink! I sat with them for awhile and she tried hard to divide her time between me and the guy buying her drinks. He was so smitten by her. I smiled and looked down as I swirled my straw around in my drink. When I lifted my head up I saw a man's reflection in the mirror in front of me.  He had broad shoulders and really good posture, a low fade, and wavy jet black hair. For a second our eyes met in the mirror. I turned my head quickly and when I looked again, he was gone. 

It was almost 2 a.m. and the bar was clearing out. People were either going home, or going upstairs to the party. My mom came over to the end of the bar where I was sitting and said, "Come on. Get up," as she motioned for me to go upstairs. She started cleaning the top of the bar where I was seated. I got up and went upstairs. As soon as I got upstairs an old drunk guy tried to get me to dance with him. "No." I told him as I walked past and sat down. I sat there for a good five minutes before thinking about going home. I walked over to the bar to tell my mom & Aunt that I was going to leave. They didn't want me to walk home by myself so late at night. I sat back down. The drunk old drunk guy danced his way over to me.

 "Come on girl, get up! Come dance with me." He said. "You don't know what you missin'!" 

I laughed, but still declined his invitation. When moved from in front of me I noticed the guy from the mirror has come back. He was standing at the bar. He saw me looking at him and motioned for me to come to him. I looked around as if I was confused about who he was talking to and shook my head no. I then motioned for him to come to me. Neither of us would concede. I stayed in my seat and we continued with our night talking to other people and sneaking glances at each other from across the room. Eventually I had to use the restroom which meant that I would have to walk right past him. On my way back from the restroom he stopped me and introduced himself. He spoke well and he was reserved in his conversation.  My mom noticed us talking and walked over. She said, "Oh! This is Ex! I'm glad you've met. He's a nice young man. So polite and always smiling." She turned to him, "Ex, this my daughter." He extended his hand to me and said, "Nice to meet you Daughter," with a big smile on his face. I smiled and blushed as I shook his hand. "Hi, Ex. Nice to meet you, formally."

After that the two of us sat downstairs alone at the empty bar. We talked and laughed for over an hour. He had moved to Philadelphia a few years ago from South Carolina and we talked about the different cultures and experiences went both through moving from a town to a major city. We talked about law and politics. He wrote songs and sang. I wrote poetry and loved art. It was the best conversation I'd had from a guy who was interested in me in years. After the party was over we walked to 7Eleven for convenience store food and snacks. 



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Nine Easy Apps to get up to $500 Advanced Instantly

Photo by Yan Krukov   Cash Advance apps offer people the ability to borrow small amounts of money in the form of cash advances. Some may have additional features, such as credit-building, saving and budgeting tools, and bank accounts. Most require a monthly membership fee and/or service fees that will be deducted from your account at the same time as your advance repayment. You will need to have a bank account with direct deposit from your employer in order to use these apps. Here is a list of nine, no hassle, Cash Advance apps you can use to get from pay check to pay check. Before I list them, I want to advise against using these apps unless it is an emergency. These should only be used every once in a while. If you are having problems getting from paycheck to paycheck, there is likely a bigger issue at hand. I recommend going over your income and expenses and watching your spending, or getting a second job. Click here for the budgeting app that I use and ho...

Dating After 40: Why You Deserve a Man Who's Done the Work

I'm 44, and while I'm no expert, I believe women in their 40's should have a different outlook on dating than those in their younger years. As we age, our priorities change. We reach a point where we no longer have time for "projects." And that includes men who don't have their shit together. At this age a man should be stable, both financially and emotionally. We've invested time and energy building ourselves up and we deserve a partner who has done the same.  Once you reach a certain age, you can no longer afford to invest your time and energy into someone who isn't on the same page as you.  You've spent years working on yourself and improving your life. You've invested time and money into your education, career, and personal growth. You've learned the importance of taking care of your physical and mental health. So why should you settle for a man who hasn't done the same? A man who has done the work is someone who is emotionally matu...

A Weak Man Hates Anything that Challenges Him to Be Better

Let's talk about weak men. We've all come across them. The ones who blame others for their shortcomings. The ones that struggle with accountability and reject anything that challenges them to be better. In essence - the narcissistic and self-centered ones. It is not easy to deal with these men, especially when you find yourself romantically involved with them. Weak men often have fragile egos, and anything that threatens their little fragile sense of self is perceived as a threat. We have to understand that these men are not secure within themselves, and they rely on external validation to feel good about themselves. Therefore, when you try to challenge them to be better, they feel like you are attacking them, and they become defensive. They cannot handle criticism, and they struggle with personal growth. One of the reasons why weak men struggle with personal growth is that they are afraid of change. They are comfortable in their current ways, and they are not willing to step o...

No More Tears - written by Juanita Harris

This is a poem about leaving an abusive relationship. It is published in my book "RIP-Rejection, Inspiration & Peace." released in May of this year. Let me know what you think. No More Tears I’ve dropped a million tears for you, But I shall drop no more. I lived my life in fear of you, But I shall fear no more. I put my pride Aside For you, But now I’m walking out the door. You see, I put my dreams aside for you. Did anything You wanted me to. I cooked your meals And ironed your clothes. I made love to you All nightlong. I was devoted to you And still You did me wrong. I supported you Through the hardest times. I’ve paid bail and lawyer’s fees. I brought you in whatever you needed Be it cigarettes Or weed. I sat through visitations Twice a week, But when you got out (of jail) I was your last priority. Everyday You would say That you love me. But you took away My dignity, With bruises And beatings And nights Of laying beside you, Crying While you’re sleeping. Yeah, I’...

Ex... (P1.3)

I knew it.  All the signs were there.  This man flipped the script so fast!  We were just in love and planning on starting our business so we could really build something.   Ex had enrolled in school and began classes.  Soon after, he started going out without me.  He was staying out really late.  At family events he sat in a corner with his face in his phone texting and smiling instead of talking with the guys.  I wasn't stupid.  I confronted him and he denied any wrong doing.  I waited up for him so many nights.  The bars closed at 2:00 am.  Sometimes he didn't make it home until 5 or 6.  He said he was at the "after hour."  I called him a liar.  I argued with him every day.  I bitched and yelled, and he wouldn't tell me the truth.  I tried talking and reasoning with him, but he wouldn't tell me the truth.  I had to find out on my own.  So I did.  After only three months...

Are you Too Nice?

Can being too nice be a relationship liability? When we think of someone as "nice," we often regard it as a positive quality to have. Being nice is frequently associated with traits such as kindness, empathy, and respect towards others. However, there are circumstances in which being too nice can signify a more significant problem. People who are too nice may struggle with setting boundaries, expressing their opinions, and making their voices heard. In this blog post, we will explore the concept of being "too nice" and how it can be a liability in a relationship. Photo by Kampus Production When Niceness is Not Genuine Niceness One of the main reasons why being "too nice" can be a liability is that it is not always genuine. Some people may be excessively nice as a way of avoiding conflict or pleasing others. Niceness, in this case, is a by-product of low self-esteem, a lack of assertiveness, or a fear of rejection. When you are constantly trying to please o...

Unalienable Rights

Way back in 1776 the Continental Congress voted in favor of its independence from England. Two days later on July 4th, the 13 colonies adopted the Declaration of Independence which states: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, THAT THEY ARE ENDOWED BY THEIR CREATER WITH CERTAIN UNALIENABLE RIGHTS, THAT AMONG THESE ARE LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS." With stolen land and free labor white supremacists built the very system that we still use today. People of African decent were not considered to be American citizens. We were property. Natives were killed and forced into small areas; their kids taken and put into orphanages where they cut off their hair and abused them. White women couldn't vote, work or inherit any of their family's estate. The only people who had inalienable rights in this country were white men. People: It is 244 years later and many Americans are still fighting for their basic God given rights!  🔸The r...

Stop Dating Needy Men. You're not the Goodwill

Ladies, it's time to stop dating needy men. You know the ones I'm talking about, the guys who seem to only take from the relationship and never give back. The ones who drain your energy, demand your attention and always need you to do something for them. If you're tired of being the Goodwill of your relationships and donating your vagina to men who don't deserve it, then this post is for you. First, let me clarify what I mean by “needy men.” These are men who are incapable of doing anything for themselves and believe that the world owes them something. They are the ones who always need you to babysit them emotionally or financially. When you’re dating a needy man, you are the one doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship. You're paying for the majority of expenses, driving them around, and picking up their messes.  Let me emphasize the importance of reciprocity in relationships. Relationships should be about give and take. When you're doing everything for ...