Moving On - Why Your Ex Acts Crazy

I find myself sometimes wondering why people go through so much drama with their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend. At a recent social gathering I participated in an hour long session of girl talk, which was based on stories of our husband's psychotic ex-partners. This lead me to doing some reading on the subject of why some women act so crazy over their former partners. 

I've found that the main reason for this behavior is that the woman has not yet moved on from the relationship. It might seem as if the woman hates her former partner, but really she still has an emotional attachment to him. She has not taken the steps toward healing, and gotten over the relationship. According to an article I read on, a woman should take certain steps to help her move past a broken relationship. 

It is necessary to practice extreme self-care when your relationship has ended. Taking care yourself, loving yourself, and putting yourself first are all very important to the healing process. The article also suggests forgiveness and taking personal responsibility. 

When a relationship has ended badly, and the woman is hurt, she will often assume the role of "the victim." She will then blame everything that went wrong on her former partner. Personal responsibility is important, because no matter how bad someone treated you, it was ultimately your decision to either stay in or leave relationship. Our decisions are ours alone, and we are responsible for the decisions that we make. If you're obsessing over your ex instead of moving on, that's your choice. Continuously dragging out the victim, or poor-me role, can start to look pathetic after a while. 

How long can one complain about the way someone mistreated them before people get tired of listening. I know a woman who separated from her ex in 2007. She's still obsessing over him today. He's clearly moved on while she remains angry and tries to use their children as a way to interfere with his life and happiness. Being angry over a relationship that reached its end almost 7 years ago is completely insane. The problem with this woman is that she has not moved on. Her constant obsession with her ex is also becoming a hindrance on her new relationship. Her current partner may feel insecure, or rejected when she spends a good portion of her life trying to sabotage her ex, rather than preparing for a future with him. 

A person cannot get over their ex until they have accepted on both a logical and emotional level, that he/she was not the person for them. If you're still dwelling on how he should have treated you and what he was supposed to do in the relationship, then you have not emotionally detached yourself from your ex. You have not accepted that he was not the person for you. You need to look inside of yourself and determine where you are still tied to your ex, so that you can get over him and move on. An article by Shelly Stile on Life After Your Divorce, gives the following example to show a situation in which a person has not completely let go of their previous relationship.

"You and your ex have children together therefore you must be in contact with one another on a regular basis. Unfortunately, your discussions with him always end in an argument. Nothing happens easily. The deep resentments and hurts suffered in your marriage and actual divorce remain intact. You each know each other’s hot buttons and continue to push those buttons resulting in upsets. It’s the old marriage still running the game. You continually get sucked into this abyss."
If this is happening, you have not completely detached yourself from your ex. You have not accepted that the relationship is truly over.

A woman will behave unreasonably when it comes to their ex when she has not emotionally detached herself and accepted the fact that he was not the right choice for her. Accepting the fact that a relationship you had with someone you loved has failed is difficult. However, acceptance is a necessary part of the healing process; and that includes accepting responsibility for your own choices. 

Nita Michelle

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